


Incurable Addiction

by stirlingphoenix



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Bloodplay, Bondage, Canon Compliant, Knifeplay, M/M, Requited Love, Romance, Sexual Content, Yandere Tachibana Makoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-09 12:26:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5539916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stirlingphoenix/pseuds/stirlingphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto's heart can only be broken so many times before the damage is irreparable, and something else has to break in its place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ExtinctionOfReality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtinctionOfReality/gifts).



> Written as a Christmas gift for [ ExtinctionofReality ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtinctionOfReality/pseuds/ExtinctionOfReality).

Makoto never meant for it to happen this way; he never meant to let Sousuke get this close to him, nor did he think he would ever fall so far into the blackened depths of no return. Quite honestly, he still isn’t sure how the situation managed to slip away from him so easily, but here he is, under the one and only, Sousuke Yamazaki, being made love to in every sense of the word.

The pleasure (although it is the best he’s ever received) is not what’s making him question every move he’s made up until this point. Sousuke might be a little too good at what he does, but it isn’t the way his lips press ever so gently against Makoto’s skin, or the flawless way in which he moves inside of him, generating new waves of bliss with each thrust and making everything seem perfect.

It might however, have something to do with the way Sousuke speaks to him during sex; Sousuke is surprisingly talkative during these times.

“Makoto…”

Sousuke’s deep voice turns him on more than it has any right to, and with that specific tone, Makoto knows just how good Sousuke’s feeling.

“So good to me,” Sousuke whispers as his lips caress Makoto’s skin, “too good to me.”

The words themselves are simple, and on their own, Makoto wouldn’t have given them a second thought, but again, Sousuke isn’t delivering sweet nothings, not when the way he makes love to Makoto is so meticulously thorough, and nothing short of divine perfection.  

He’s gone through these motions so many times before, but somehow, with Sousuke, it’s different. Really, Makoto should have caught on before; there has always been something special about Sousuke that he can’t quite place. He’s not naive enough to believe that Sousuke is this kind to everyone; Makoto knows all-too-well that Sousuke’s treatment of him is special for him. But honestly, that just makes everything worse.

Sousuke’s making him feel as if he is his entire world, as if Sousuke’s soul would crumble into nothingness if he were to somehow disappear from existence. Makoto wants that sort of devotion, he craves that absolute sense of dedication more than the air he breathes, yet he despises it, and he can’t stop himself from cursing Sousuke for making him feel like this.

He desires what Sousuke has to offer him, yet he knows it’s not real. How can any of this be real? How could anyone truly love him? Sousuke’s doing an amazing job of loving him in a physical sense, but Makoto can’t believe that it’s anything more. His heart has been broken one too many times to fall for something so simple. 

As temporary as they are, feelings of desire and lust quickly begin to overshadow his disbeliefs and uncertainties, and soon enough he has completely surrendered himself to the euphoric sensations Sousuke is so eagerly giving him. Sousuke suddenly captures his lips in what might be the most passionate kiss of the night, and it isn’t long before Makoto’s climax hits him violently, racking his body with an entirely new surge of pleasure. He’s still coming down from his blissful high when he feels Sousuke come inside of him, and only then does the kiss break.

Makoto immediately gasps for a breath of air he didn’t know he needed while Sousuke wastes no time in pulling out and helping Makoto to clean up. That’s another thing about Sousuke, he’s consistently there throughout the entire process, even after the sex is over.

Sousuke’s still talking to him, repeatedly asking if Makoto is feeling all right, and whether or not he’s enjoyed himself. As per usual, Makoto dons a deceptively genuine smile and assures Sousuke that everything is perfect.

The smile Sousuke gives him in return is so undeniably captivating, that for a split second, Makoto actually believes that everything between him and Sousuke could be something more. It fills him with more joy than he has ever known, and he cannot stop himself from sighing contently when Sousuke protectively wraps his arms around him after they’ve lied back down.

But of course, the moment is all too fleeting. The realization that everything that exists between him and Sousuke is nothing but a lie, intricately fabricated to trick Makoto into thinking that he could ever have anything that resembled love hits Makoto hard, like a wrecking ball smashing into a condemned building.

Makoto’s still very much awake when he feels that Sousuke’s breathing has evened out; for a short while, he’s content with just listening to Sousuke breathe. He hopes that such a soothing sound will eventually lull him to sleep, as it’s done so many times before.

The night slowly drifts away, and Makoto finally admits that sleep will not come for him this time. Somehow, someway, the understanding ignites a spark of emotion that drives Makoto to the brink of insanity. Ever so carefully, he wriggles out of Sousuke’s hold, and turns back to look at Sousuke’s peacefully sleeping face.

The mere sight burns Makoto with an inexplicable rage that he cannot control. This is far from okay. Sousuke has no right to make him feel this way, to toy with his emotions so whimsically, as if he himself were nothing more than marionette for Sousuke to manipulate so freely.

In actuality, Makoto has no idea what goes on in Sousuke’s mind when he looks at him so affectionately and treats him like he’s the only one he could ever see, but he cannot shake the feeling that it’s all some sort of sick, twisted joke. But as depraved as it is, Makoto never wants the lie that Sousuke’s so beautifully created to end.

No, that’s not right. He _won’t_ let it end.

It’s not his fault. Sousuke brought this on himself; Makoto only intends to make him keep his promises.

One way or another, Makoto will find the love he so desperately yearns for, and it will take the form of the aquamarine beauty known as Sousuke Yamazaki.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

 

Watching Sousuke sleep might just be one of his absolute favorite pastimes. A few stray bangs motionlessly rest in front of his eyes, and Makoto tenderly brushes them aside. After all, Makoto would hate to see those beautiful eyes hidden beneath a mess of black hair, and Sousuke won’t be able to take care of it himself--the silk that’s tied to his wrists and binds his arms to the headboard will make sure of that.

Sousuke’s still sleeping peacefully on the bed; he hasn't stirred once since Makoto tied him up, and the thought that he still has the chance to remove the bonds and pretend like this isn't happening runs through his mind. There's still a chance to take everything back, and keep the living this spectacular illusion together with Sousuke.  

The knife that Makoto’s placed on the bedside table gleams in the moonlight that’s creeping in from partially open curtains. The blade seems to taunt him; it silently reminds him that if Sousuke wakes up like this, his fate will be sealed. It’s ridiculous, and Makoto realizes that, but somehow, it feels like this inanimate object is all but too happy to serve as the tool of both his and Sousuke’s destruction.

Unfortunately Makoto contemplates for a bit too long, and he almost jumps out of his own skin when Sousuke begins to awaken. Sousuke’s body tries to toss back and forth, but the silk bonds do not allow him to turn more than a few centimeters to each side.

Even in this dimly lit room, Makoto can see those brilliant eyes flutter open and stare blankly at the surroundings.  

Finally, his eyes settle on Makoto. The poor lighting makes it difficult to see, but he’s certain that he can see a special glimmer in Sousuke’s eyes when they fall upon him.

“Makoto?” Sousuke’s voice is tired, completely devoid of fear, and if Makoto’s not mistaken, the it sounds, happy, almost. “Is that you?”

Sousuke obviously hasn’t realized the predicament he’s in, but it doesn’t really matter. His true self will show in a moment’s time, and Makoto will know that Sousuke's no different from anyone else Makoto’s fallen for. Sousuke will never love him, at least not the way he loves him.

“Yes, Sousuke,” Makoto responds quietly, as he moves from his position on the side of the bed to straddle Sousuke’s hips. “I’m here.”

Makoto isn't the least bit surprised when Sousuke tries to sit up, and the look of confusion that appears on his face when his arms won't move the way he wants them to is nearly priceless.

“Why am I-”

“Because I want you to be.” Makoto’s answer is sharp and concise.

Sousuke doesn’t respond at first; he looks away from Makoto and tries to turn his head to inspect Makoto’s handiwork. Makoto’s uncertain whether Sousuke can actually see how he’s tied up, not that it really matters. A smirk appears on Sousuke’s lips as he turns back to look at Makoto.

“Do I look good like this to you?”

_If only you knew._

“Better than I could have ever imagined,” Makoto answers truthfully. “Sousuke?”

The smirk falls from Sousuke’s lips. “Yes?”

“Do you feel trapped?” There is no malice or contempt in those words, only a grim sense of curiosity. Makoto picks up the knife that he had placed on the nightstand earlier, and begins to absent-mindedly twirl the knife in his hand with a practiced ease.

A notable look of concern flickers in Sousuke’s eyes (Makoto so desperately wants to belief that it’s for him) but aside from that, Sousuke barely gives the knife a second glance before he's looking back to Makoto with a look of pure adoration that he's seen countless times before. He hates that expression, along with everything else Sousuke does to him, yet at the same time, Sousuke’s smile is all he’s ever truly wanted.

“Not at all.” Sousuke's answer is automatic and resolute. “If I hated this you would let me go.”

“You think so?” A note of morbid amusement escapes Makoto’s lips.

“I know so.”

Again, Makoto hears that same dauntless tone, and his skin begins to burn. Sousuke’s much too presumptuous for his own good.

“What if I wasn’t feeling so generous?” Makoto asks bitterly. “What if I told you that you could never leave me?” The knife Makoto’s been idly flipping around in his hand comes to an abrupt halt; he squeezes the blade tightly, as if he fears its sudden, inexplicable free-fall into Sousuke’s stomach.

“I’d ask what made you think I’d ever want to leave you.”

“And I would reply that I would hurt you.” With an acute precision that only practice has perfected, Makoto takes his blade and slides it across the skin of Sousuke's right shoulder. The idea to do the same to the left crosses his mind, but he thinks he’ll only go that far if Sousuke pushes him to it. “Just like this.” 

A soft hiss escapes Sousuke's lips; his eyes furrow in pain, but the sight is gone just as quickly as it had come. Again, those beautiful eyes look at Makoto with nothing but something Makoto almost mistakes for love.

“Makoto, you could never hurt me.”

“Oh no?” Makoto dips down and licks away the droplets of blood that form around the fresh wound. A distinctly metallic taste fills Makoto’s mouth; it’s as if he can actually taste Sousuke’s essence, and the sensation is much more exquisite than it has any right to be. If Sousuke’s not careful, Makoto thinks that he might become addicted.

“Never.” Sousuke’s smile only seems to grow. “My angel.”

That one little word rolls off of Sousuke’s tongue a little too easily for Makoto’s liking.

“Always so sweet,” Makoto replies with a dangerously sweet tone, “always so confident in your answers.”  The knife in his hand moves across Sousuke’s chest, drawing a red line just below the collarbone that connects the cut that already exists on his shoulder. “One day it won’t be enough, you know?”

Sousuke’s eyes don’t even seem to register the blade this time, and his body remains perfectly relaxed, as if Makoto’s simply brushing him with a feather. “I don’t follow?”

Makoto has to suppress the urge to sigh. “You can say that you’ll stay by my side all you want, but with each repeat it sounds more and more like a false promise.”

“Makoto, if you need more from me, all you have to do was ask.”

Sousuke’s words seem to fall on deaf ears; while Makoto can hear the lies that spill from Sousuke’s mouth like water flowing from a broken dam, he’s far too interested in drawing intricate designs that only he could ever understand on Sousuke’s once flawless skin.

“Only time will prove my eternal loyalty to you. But I can show you for myself now.”

Show him? _Show him?_ Makoto nearly breaks into a fit of pure hysterics; the idea of Sousuke even attempting to prove his dedication in and of itself is much funnier than it should be. Once the novelty of such a thought wears off, however, Makoto's left with nothing but anger and despair.

“Understand me, my dearest Sousuke.” The venom that laces Makoto’s voice nearly terrifies him. At that point, he hardly recognizes himself, and for a split second, he wants to take everything back. The part of him that still holds one last shred of optimism thinks that Sousuke might still have him, but Makoto’s far too realistic to listen.

It’s too late, far, far too late.

“I will never set you free.”

Finally, Makoto sees the look of pure terror that he should have seen from the beginning dance in Sousuke’s expressive eyes. It’s a relief, almost. The tiny flame that wished for Sousuke to be special is suddenly extinguished, leaving Makoto feel emptier than ever before.

At long last Sousuke answers.

“Freeing me of salvation is the cruelest thing you could ever do to me.”

And just like that, that one little flame is reignited within Makoto’s heart. The ease with which it occurs makes Makoto’s stomach turn.

“You must be blind if you see any sort of salvation in me.” He tries to sound harsh, but his voice is weak and exhausted.

“I only see your beauty, your perfection. If that makes me blind, then so be it,” Sousuke tries again.

“Enough!”

Before Makoto can even think to stop himself, he’s slamming the knife into the pillow, mere centimeters from Sousuke's head. Makoto can almost feel his own eyes trying to pop out of his skull, but remarkably, Sousuke hasn't even blinked.

“Sometimes,” Makoto's trembling now, he puts his hands on Sousuke's chest, bracing himself against his one and only form of support, “sometimes I just want to cut those gorgeous eyes out.”

“If you do that, they’ll never see anyone aside from you ever again.”

Only then do the tears begin to fall.

“Sousuke,” Makoto leans in further, gently pressing his lips to Sousuke's. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Sousuke automatically kisses back, as if it's the most natural response in the world. “You’ve never hurt me.”

“I don’t want to cut your eyes out either, as long as you only see me.”

“Untie me, Makoto.”

That voice, while not demanding in the least, immediately compels Makoto to undo the silk that keeps Sousuke on the bed. Not a second passes before Makoto is being embraced by a pair of strong arms that make him feel like he’ll be protected from the harsh realities of the world for all eternity.

“I love you,” Sousuke whispers softly, causing fresh tears to fall.

“I don’t--” Sousuke cuts him off by placing a finger on his lips, somehow, knowing what Makoto’s trying to say. Ever so slowly, Sousuke's arms fall away from Makoto for a short moment, only to push himself into a sitting position and let Makoto settle in his lap, but once they are both perfectly situated, Sousuke's holding him close once again.

“You deserve much more.”

“Sousuke, I-”

“Shh.” This time, it's a soft kiss that interrupts him. “It’s okay. It’s always going to be okay. I'm always going to here for you, and I want you do anything you need to in order to get the assurance you desire.”

“Anything?” Makoto can't stop himself from asking. “Even if it means letting this happen again?”

“Anything, Makoto.”

“What if next time’s worse?” Now his voice is riddled with fear and uncertainty. “Or even the time after that?”

“It makes no difference.” Sousuke says firmly. “I'll still be right by your side”

“I want to believe you.”

“You don't have to."

“But I want to.”

“Maybe someday then.” Sousuke smiles, and Makoto can almost hear the sincerity this time. With his left hand, Sousuke wipes a trail of blood away from his chest, and presents two fingers to Makoto.

“But for now?”

Sousuke offers no further explanation, but Makoto doesn’t need one. Taking ahold Sousuke's hand, Makoto slowly licks away the blood that's been offered to him.

Looks like he might up addicted to Sousuke’s taste after all.

“This is enough for now,” Makoto agrees, and for the very first time, the idea that Sousuke might actually be the one feels like something he can believe in.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for [ ExtinctionOfRealiy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtinctionOfReality/pseuds/ExtinctionOfReality)

By now, Sousuke’s lost count of how many times the sharp end of a knife has made contact with his skin. The cuts join together in such a delicate way that it’s difficult to decipher how many incisions Makoto’s made on him, and while Makoto doesn’t do this to him very often, the frequency is high enough that sometimes Sousuke can’t tell the difference between what’s fresh, and what’s been there for a few days. 

Not that any of that really matters to Sousuke. Makoto has such a delicate handle with his blade that if Sousuke feels anything at all while Makoto’s cutting into him, the pain is akin to that of a minor papercut. The scarring doesn’t bother him either. In fact, he sort of enjoys it for his own twisted reasons, and it’s absolutely worth it if it Makoto’s troubled mind at ease--even if the pacification is only temporarily.

The look in Makoto’s eyes while he runs a blade across his skin is an agonizing mixture of emotion that Sousuke has always struggled to describe. Hunger for one, is evident. Makoto almost looks predatorial when half-lidded eyes watch as blood slowly forms on each laceration and begins to slide down Sousuke’s body. Makoto’s always a bit too eager to lap up Sousuke’s blood; he acts like the crimson liquid is the world’s finest delicacy, which only he is allowed to have. Sousuke is well aware that something like this should terrify him; he has every right to run as far away from Makoto as he possibly can. Makoto has said a thousand times over that he’s never allowed to leave him, but Sousuke knows that if he truly wanted to leave, Makoto wouldn’t be able to stop him.

If Sousuke’s not mistaken, he also sees traces of torment flicker in Makoto’s eyes while it happens. He knows Makoto still thinks the knife is hurting him, despite his constant assurances to the contrary. Sousuke knows that if he could help it, Makoto wouldn’t be doing any of this to him; Sousuke is absolutely certain that in a perfect world, where everyone treated Makoto like the celestial being he is, Makoto wouldn’t feel like he has to be this way.

A horrifically selfish realization comes to the forefront of Sousuke’s mind. If Makoto’s heart had never been broken, specifically, if Haruka Nanase hadn’t cruelly rejected him one too many times, Makoto would still be the gorgeous ray of sunshine everyone knows him to be, but he wouldn’t be Sousuke’s saving grace, he’d be with Nanase. In a world where his precious angel never had to get hurt, everything that belonged to him would instead reside with Nanase.

The mere thought makes Sousuke’s blood run cold.

It’s not any sort of jealousy that makes Sousuke feel lower than the lowest scum of the earth, Makoto’s his now, and he’s confident that there’s nothing Nanase can do (if he ever cared enough) to change that. No, it’s the realization that his own happiness is a direct result of Makoto’s heartbreak. Who knows how many years of rejection and misery Makoto had to go through before Sousuke finally got to him? Sousuke has never once questioned the feelings Makoto once had for Nanase; dwelling on the past has never suited him, and quite frankly, he doesn’t feel like it’s any of his business.

Except, sometimes that’s just not true. As much as Sousuke would love to forget, he can’t, not when Nanase’s still very much a part of Makoto’s life. It’s a fact he’s painfully reminded of every time Makoto leaves his apartment to return to his own, where he’s been Nanase’s roommate ever since they started college together.

Now that Sousuke thinks about it, it’s been almost a year since he and Makoto started going out (he makes a mental note to plan something special for their anniversary at a later date), but Sousuke can’t decide if it’s too soon to ask Makoto about moving in with him, or if he even has the right to ask such a thing of Makoto. Because in all honesty, he’s not only asking Makoto to live with him, he’s also asking him to move away from Nanase, and that’s something he’s not sure Makoto would do.

After only a few weeks of dating, he had given Makoto a key to his place, which of course, was a silent way of saying he welcomed Makoto’s presence at any time, unannounced or otherwise. More often than not, Makoto’s waiting for him when he gets home, but today is different. Sousuke almost breathes a sigh of relief when he opens his door and is greeted with darkness, and a comforting silence to match.

Thinking about Nanase in general never failed to put him in a sour mood, and when Makoto’s involved (which lately, is all the time) Sousuke’s always left feeling bitter and angry. It’s a side he’d rather not let Makoto see, and luckily for him, a nap has always been the perfect cure for such a foul state of mind.

He doesn’t bother to switch on any lights as he easily maneuvers through his small flat and over to his couch, where he gracelessly flops down onto the cushions, like he’s done so many times before. And like always, sleep comes to him almost immediately after his head hits the pillow.

 

* * *

 

Sousuke’s still half-asleep when he feels the comforting, and familiar weight of Makoto’s body settling on his hips. He has yet to open his eyes, but he’s absolutely certain it’s Makoto. The sound of someone breaking in or rapping on his door surely would have awakened him, whereas Makoto’s entrance wouldn’t have made a sound. He kind of hopes that Makoto’s choosing to lie down with him, but when gentle fingers ever-so-carefully caress his cheek, he knows Makoto wants to speak with him. He must have been out for quite a while; Makoto normally wouldn’t wake him up from a nap unless he’s pushing the three hour mark. How Makoto always seems to know how long he’s been out for, Sousuke doesn’t know, but that’s another thing he doesn’t ask about.

Almost reluctantly so, Sousuke slowly begins to open his eyes. Just as he knew he would be, he’s greeted with the magnificent, truly ethereal sight of Makoto’s beautiful face. With the way Makoto is positioned, the overhead light gives his hair and skin a certain highlighting effect, and Sousuke can almost swear he’s glowing.

“You know, in this lighting, you look even more angelic than usual.” Sousuke smiles softly as he continues to look at Makoto with tired eyes. The sentiment is undoubtedly cheesy, but Sousuke couldn’t care less.

To his utter chagrin, Makoto’s not smiling down at him. He’s wearing blank expression that Sousuke doesn’t understand; the sight immediately makes Sousuke anxious. He’s prepared for whatever comes next, but even so, he hates to see Makoto unhappy. He gives Makoto a look of confusion, but it takes a minute before he’s offered any sort of explanation.

“I used your laptop to check my e-mail before waking you up. I hope you don’t mind,” Makoto says casually, as if he’s asking Sousuke about his day.

It’s been months since Sousuke first discovered that Makoto had figured out to hack his computer. Makoto usually isn’t forward enough to actually admit that he’s gotten into Sousuke’s computer, but he’s not exactly the best about covering his tracks either. Sometimes there’s a tab to a website he’s never heard of left open, but more often than not, the browser history is left unerased.

Sousuke’s never cared though. He’s never brought it up to Makoto, or even tried to change his password. As far as he’s concerned, he’s got nothing to hide, and if giving Makoto ‘unrestricted’ access to his laptop helps to prove that, then as far as he’s concerned, it’s a win-win situation.

“Not at all,” Sousuke replies, with a drowsy voice. “You’re always welcome to anything I have. You know that.”

Makoto hums softly. “Even if it means allowing me to see something you might’ve wanted to keep from me?”

“I have nothing to hide from you,” Sousuke earnestly replies.

“As sweet as that sentiment is, I’m not sure that’s the case.”

Sousuke’s brows knit together in confusion. “What have I done to make you think otherwise?”

Makoto doesn’t say another word; he only removes himself from the couch and silently walks out of the room.

He’s barely taken two steps out of the living room before Sousuke’s bolting up and off the couch, and nearly sprinting after him. If Sousuke’s learned anything about Makoto, it’s that Makoto’s silence is the one thing he really needs to be concerned about.

By the time Sousuke makes it to the kitchen, Makoto’s already sitting at the table and booting up the laptop. Sousuke watches as Makoto’s fingers fly across the keyboard as he types in Sousuke’s password, as if it’s his computer, rather than Sousuke’s, and before he knows it, Makoto has him staring at the all of the real estate pages he’s saved on the computer.

Sousuke realizes what’s going on in Makoto’s mind almost immediately, and a feeling of absolute dread begins to wash over him. While he never meant for Makoto to stumble upon this particular search, he hadn’t been trying very hard to hide it either, and until now, he hadn’t even thought about the possibility of Makoto finding these pages. Everything had been filed away under a folder labeled ‘maybe’ on his desktop, but Sousuke supposes that such a cryptic name is what had prompted Makoto to look in the first place.

He tries to respond, to put Makoto’s newly spawned fears to rest, but Makoto doesn’t give him the chance to explain right away.

“If it were only one or two sites bookmarked, I might have over-looked it, but as it stands, you have web pages to over twenty houses, condos, and apartments located all over Tokyo saved to the computer.” With the way Makoto’s voice cracks, it feels like Sousuke’s own heart is being smashed to bits. “What’s this about, Sousuke? What does ‘maybe’ mean?”

Makoto doesn’t ask anything else, but the unasked questions are plainly written on his distraught face.

_Where are you trying to go?_

_‘Maybe’ if you left me?_

“It’s not like that!” Sousuke exclaims suddenly, as if he’s answering everything Makoto hasn’t asked. At that moment, he wants nothing more than to banish that tortured look of abandonment from Makoto’s beautiful face as quickly as possible.

“I-” Sousuke tries again, “I just wanted to look for something bigger than what I have now.” He sighs, knowing that such a simplistic answer will not be good enough for Makoto. “And I have so many places bookmarked because I’m in the middle of trying to figure out what you might like too.”

“Why does what I want matter to you?” Makoto’s voice is cold, and filled with disbelief.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Sousuke asks. It’s not, but to him, there has never been another answer. “ _Maybe_ someday I can finally convince you to move in with me.”

When the only answer he receives is a look that seems even more skeptical than before, Sousuke takes a deep breath, and continues on.

“I’ve been mulling this over for months. I just haven’t figured out how to ask.”

The ‘ _I didn’t want to tell you this way’,_ is left unsaid.

“Why?”

A dejected sigh escapes Sousuke’s lips. There’s no point in keeping anything from Makoto any longer, and he knows it.

“Nanase.” The name has always tasted unbearably bitter to him, and he can’t stop himself from spitting it out like it’s the worst thing he’s ever tasted. Sousuke suddenly finds himself silently praying to every god he can think of that this conversation doesn’t last for much longer; he can feel his innermost loathing for Nanase start to slowly claw its way out into the open. “I don’t want to make you choose between us.”

That’s a lie. Sousuke absolutely detests the fact he has to share Makoto with Nanase at all (even if it is only because Makoto lives with him). Part of him wishes that Makoto would make a choice, but Sousuke will never force him to. The answer Makoto might give him terrifies him more than anything else in this world.

The incredulity that covers Makoto’s face vanishes instantly, and is almost simultaneously replaced with an unmistakable look of bewilderment, and if Sousuke’s not mistaken, a bit of fear.

“Please believe me, Sousuke. There is nothing on between Haru and myself-”

Makoto tries to reach for him, but Sousuke doesn’t even think twice about batting him away. The sound of his hand slapping Makoto’s arm echoes in his ears over and over again; he knows this moment will haunt him for the rest of his life.

“That’s not what this is about!” Sousuke shouts, automatically berating himself for ever raising his voice to Makoto. He never wanted to yell at his angel, or hurt him in any way, never ever, and the look of pure astonishment on Makoto’s face tells Sousuke that Makoto hadn’t seen this reaction coming.

His body suddenly moves its own accord, stepping towards Makoto and taking ahold of the proffered hand with both of his. Sousuke almost can’t believe it when Makoto doesn’t back away, or retract his arm. In fact, Makoto only seems to gravitate closer towards him, and the fact that he’ll never truly deserve someone as perfect as Makoto is forever solidified in his mind.

“Listen, please,” Sousuke starts again, pointedly controlling his tone this time. “Nanase will always be a part of your life, and as much as I hate it, I accept it because it’s what you want.”

“Sou-”

Again, he cuts Makoto off. “That doesn’t mean I think that there’s anything romantic going on between you and him, because I know you wouldn’t do that to me, Makoto.” Sousuke’s gaze shifts to the floor; admitting his self-centered ways to Makoto makes him feel terribly vulnerable, and the thought of Makoto’s reaction truly scares him.

“It just feels like this is all I can reasonably ask of you,” Sousuke finally confesses, “those web pages are nothing more than dreams that won’t ever come true.”

 Sousuke’s still avoiding Makoto’s gaze; he doesn’t want to see the disgust or loathing that might cloud those brilliant eyes. Seeing such a look directed at him from Makoto would probably kill him on the spot. He’s not quite sure, but he thinks the grip he has on Makoto’s arm might be getting progressively tighter, as if he’s trying to delay the choice Makoto will inevitably make.

“Sousuke.”

He doesn’t respond, or even dare to look in Makoto’s direction, and Sousuke is completely caught off guard when Makoto firmly grips his chin, and forces him to look at him. The moment their eyes meet, Makoto leans forward, and quickly claims Sousuke’s lips in a reassuring kiss that Sousuke needs more than anything else.

 Makoto’s kiss is confident, yet gentle, and Sousuke becomes powerless against anything and everything Makoto might wish to do to him. As Sousuke’s lips move in perfect synchrony with Makoto’s, Makoto silently destroys every last doubt and horrid thought that’s plagued Sousuke for months.

 At long last, Makoto breaks their kiss, and looks at Sousuke with nothing but pure adoration shining in his beautiful eyes.

 “You have no idea how much this means to me, Sousuke,” he says, before giving Sousuke another quick kiss.

 Sousuke doesn’t quite know how to respond. If he’s understanding Makoto (that precious smile only seems to confirm his suspicions) the trust he had so desperately sought after is finally his, and even though he isn’t sure he’ll ever be deserving of Makoto’s faith in him, he’ll cherish it forever, and spend the rest of his life ensuring that Makoto will never regret this day. When the perfect words still do not make themselves known to Sousuke’s mind, he answers with the only response he can: by kissing Makoto over and over again, with each kiss being more purposeful than the last. 

 Makoto chuckles softly, and Sousuke doesn’t have stop kissing him to know that there’s a huge smile covering his gorgeous face. Sousuke doesn’t stop peppering Makoto’s cheeks with soft kisses until Makoto takes a small step backwards, prompting Sousuke to look up at him. The face he sees is more stunning than that of even the holiest of angels.

 He breathes a sigh of pure relief when Makoto finally speaks. “I really like the two bedroom apartment in Ikebukuro. It has a lot of space, and we can use the extra room as an office, or even a workout area.”

 “What?” He’s obviously heard Makoto, but his words seem completely unreal.

 “It’s a bit expensive, but you already have a part-time job, and if I get one too, I think we can manage. It’s nice that it’s fairly close to both of our universities too,” Makoto adds, as if that’s the perfect explanation.

 Sousuke gets it, he understands what Makoto’s telling him, but it doesn’t seem to click right away.

 “Makoto, what are--”

 A gentle kiss to the lips cuts him off mid-sentence. “You know exactly what I’m saying.”

 “But--”

 He’s kissed again; this time Makoto holds the kiss for a bit longer than usual, his sweet taste lingers on Sousuke’s lips after the kiss has been broken. “You’ll have to give me a little while, just to make sure Haru will be able to afford rent on his own, but after that I’m all yours, Sousuke.”

 And then it finally clicks. Nanase’s name makes everything Makoto’s trying to say sound real, but for the very first time, Sousuke finds that he doesn’t really mind hearing about Nanase, not when the point of Makoto’s words is all about him.

 “I love you,” are the only words Sousuke can think to say, and fortunately, the sentiment fits the situation perfectly. 

 “I love you too,” Makoto replies immediately before initiating yet another kiss with Sousuke.

 Acting on pure instinct, Sousuke wraps his arms around Makoto, bringing him even closer and deepening their kiss. Their lips mold together perfectly, as they’ve done so many times before. Makoto begins to nibble on Sousuke’s bottom lip; it’s always harder than necessary, as if he’s wordlessly warning Sousuke of his possessive nature through biting kisses.

 As his tongue dares to carefully glide over Makoto’s lips, he idly muses that while Makoto’s always been rather selfish with him, always telling him that he can never leave, ensuring that he has completely forgotten what it means to have any sort of privacy, he’s always alluding to his possession over Sousuke, but never outright stating it.

  _You’re mine,_ is one phrase he’s never heard Makoto say.

 He wonders why, but the mere thought vanishes almost as quickly as it has appeared; by now, Makoto’s broken their kiss, and he’s attacking the shell of Sousuke’s ear with a blissful combination of love bites and tender nibbles. Sousuke completely succumbs to Makoto’s minor, yet highly effective ministrations; shivers of unadulterated pleasure run down his spine.

“Maybe he should move this to the bedroom?”

A delighted purr vibrates against Sousuke’s ear.

“You’ve read my mind.”

Sousuke begins to carefully pull Makoto in the general direction of his bedroom, and he immediately seizes the opportunity to resume peppering Makoto’s blushing face with an onslaught of soft kisses. While he’s attacking Makoto with butterfly kisses and leading them towards the bedroom, Makoto makes use of his hands by getting rid of both his and Sousuke’s clothing. Sousuke nearly whimpers in protest for the split second he’s cut off from Makoto when their shirts are hastily pulled over their heads and discarded on the floor.

The lack of clothing only reveals more skin for Sousuke to kiss and touch, which he take full advantage of. His fingertips gently caress over each and every muscle and curvature of Makoto’s torso; he’s probably had the chance to touch Makoto’s toned body a thousand times by now, but somehow, each time Makoto gives him this opportunity feels like the first. There always seems to be something new about Makoto that Sousuke hasn’t noticed before, or a muscle he hasn’t yet laid his curious fingers on.

Sousuke almost doesn’t realize it when Makoto undoes his belt and unzips his jeans until his pants and boxers are pooling at his feet. Not two seconds pass before he senses Makoto’s pants falling, just barely grazing the tips of his toes when they hit the floor. He steps out of his fallen jeans with practiced ease and holds on tightly to Makoto as he follows suit; the motions are so eloquently flawless and fluent that Sousuke doesn’t have time to register the cold air that hits his erection before Makoto’s naked body is pressed against his, only allowing him to feel the intense warmth that radiates from him. 

His back hits the bedroom door with a loud ‘thud’, but by now, he can find the doorknob by touch alone, and with a quick twist with his wrist, the door is opened, and he can easily guide Makoto through the dark room towards the bed.

From the moment the door opens, Makoto’s returning his kisses with the utmost zeal; his lips make Sousuke’s skin feel like it’s on fire. The resulting flame is so good, so blissfully intoxicating, that Sousuke never wants it to be put out. The attention Makoto’s giving him is more than he feels like he will ever deserve, but it’s so good, so blissfully euphoric, that he can’t help but accept every bit of loving treatment he’s getting. The sensations might be a bit too exciting for Sousuke, however. The realization that he has misjudged the proximity of the door to his bed hits him squarely in the face when the back of his legs hit the foot of the bed, causing him to topple back gracelessly, while taking Makoto down with him.

The immediate shock of falling onto the bed wears off quickly, and soon they’re both scooting up until Sousuke’s head is resting on top of a small pile of fluffy pillows, and once again, Makoto’s straddling his hips, allowing him the perfect view.

“I love getting to look up at you like this,” Sousuke comments, shamelessly making his thoughts known.

Makoto only answers with a deceptively sweet grin before pressing himself down on Sousuke’s groin, making their arousals painfully obvious to each other. Sousuke groans softly, automatically thrusting upwards against Makoto, beginning a slow, sensual rocking motion between them.

For a brief moment, neither he, nor Makoto make any further move. Sousuke keeps making the same, pleasurable movements with his hips, simply basking in the pure radiance that is Makoto Tachibana. Makoto however, seems distracted. His green eyes are focused in on Sousuke’s chest, and of course, Sousuke knows exactly why.

“I like them, you know?” Sousuke says nonchalantly, as he takes ahold of Makoto’s hand and guides it to trace a finger along one of the deeper scars that runs across his chest. Makoto’s nose seems to crinkle in disdain, but Sousuke can only smile.

“Do you know why?”

Makoto shakes his head in the negative.

“Because it’s you.” The look Makoto’s giving him now makes it abundantly clear that further explanation is needed, and Sousuke gladly complies.

“These are your marks. You left them on me for a reason, and I will happily wear them for the rest of my life.”

He doesn’t mention the fact that he’s never truly had a choice on the subject, but to Sousuke, that hardly matters. Makoto’s choice is his as well.

Sousuke pulls his hand away, and lets Makoto’s fingers move on their own accord. While he can’t feel anything on the scarred tissue directly, the gentle pressure that Makoto exerts upon him is a wonderful sensation; he can’t help but long for more contact in every way imaginable.

“What are you thinking about?”

Another mischievous grin spreads across Makoto’s face. “Just wondering about what I should do with you tonight.”

The tone of Makoto’s voice tells him that Makoto’s half-wondering why Sousuke hasn’t taken charge for himself. While normally he would be all for taking the lead and subjecting Makoto to as much pleasure as humanly possible, he cannot deny that he absolutely loves to see Makoto in control, regardless of whether Makoto decides to be ‘rough’ with him or not.

“Your call, Makoto.”

Makoto tilts his head to the side, as if he needs to ponder for a moment.

“I think I want you tied up,” he finally says.

His voice is light and casual, and despite the fact that he can’t shake the feeling Makoto still might be testing him, the mere mention of being essentially powerless under Makoto ignites a small fire in the pit of his stomach. Or more specifically, it’s the fact that he’s willingly handing Makoto complete control, without it being taking away first that really turns him on.

A smirk forms on Sousuke’s lips.

“Would you prefer me like this,” he asks, extending his arms out and over his head so that one arm is resting by each bed post, “or like this?” He brings his arms together, so that his wrists are touching.

“I’m not sure why, but I like that position a lot,” Makoto responds as he reaches into the nearby nightstand and pulls out the silk rope Sousuke’s become very well acquainted with. He remains silent as Makoto easily wraps the silk around his wrists and securely binds him to the headboard.

Sousuke tugs at the rope just a bit, quietly telling Makoto that he won’t be going anywhere on his own accord.

“Your move.”

Makoto’s cheeks start to heat up, revealing an incredibly noticeable blush to Sousuke. If Sousuke didn’t know any better, he’d swear that Makoto’s actually embarrassed to admit his idea out loud; Makoto leans in close, and whispers his desire to Sousuke with vivid detail. While they’ve never done this before, Sousuke cannot deny that he’s imagined this particular scenario (and the various positions that go with it) more than once. Makoto’s uncertain, yet sultry voice only serves to fan the flames that burn fiercely in his gut, and Sousuke can’t stop himself rolling his hips up against Makoto, giving them both a bit more contact.

“I like that.” Sousuke’s breath hitches. “I like that a lot.”

The blush on Makoto’s face seems to lessen at Sousuke’s approval.

“So, I’ll just…” Rather than finishing his thought, he slowly turns around and slides himself backwards, until his ass is mere inches away from Sousuke’s face.

“Like this, right?” Makoto asks, looking back at Sousuke.

“That’s about the gist of it,” Sousuke chuckles, “little bit more though, I can’t get to you on my own, you know.”

“Yeah.” Makoto nods before turning away from him again and scooting even closer. Sousuke eagerly breathes in Makoto’s natural essence before taking his dick into his mouth. With his current lack of mobility, it’s rather difficult for him to pull out his usual moves, but he can still suck on Makoto’s cock with the utmost enthusiasm and vigor. He just hopes that’s enough to satisfy Makoto, especially when he clearly has the upper hand when it comes to giving in this situation.

Sousuke relaxes his throat, allowing himself to take in as much of Makoto as possible. He can’t stop himself from struggling against the rope a bit; Makoto’s ass is right on top of him, and he’s overcome with the need to touch and fondle the well-defined globes of flesh that are so very close to him. God damn, if he had realized he would be missing out on such a golden opportunity, he not have been so agreeable to being tied up.

The notion is fleeting however; Sousuke nearly forgets his own name the second Makoto’s tongue touches his erection. While Sousuke doesn’t consider himself to be bad at giving head by any means, Makoto has a certain way of doing it that he’s never been able to comprehend. The way Makoto’s tongue twirls around his dick and skillfully teases the head is so inexplicably good, that it isn’t long before Sousuke finds himself moaning around Makoto’s cock. He hopes that whatever he’s doing for Makoto feels half as wonderful as what he’s getting.

While he remains acutely aware of the fact that he needs to hang on just enough to give a little something back to Makoto, for the most part, he becomes very much lost in his own pleasure, and he almost doesn’t recognize the sound of a plastic bottle of lube being snapped open. Sousuke figures that Makoto must have pulled it out of the nightstand along with the rope earlier, but he really can’t recall. When his mind finally realizes what Makoto’s about to do, he has to take a second to mentally prepare himself.

Sousuke’s not frightened (far from it, actually), but that doesn’t make up for the fact that his body simply isn’t used to being in this position. He tells himself to relax, he reminds himself that he’s in Makoto’s hands, that no matter what Makoto may decide to do with him, he knows it will be all right. It takes a bit too long for his liking, but finally, he relaxes enough to spread his legs for Makoto.

Soon after, he feels the distinct sensation of a lube-covered finger circling his entrance. It’s as if Makoto’s asking for his permission one last time, to which Sousuke can only respond by letting a particularly loud moan escape his throat. Luckily, Makoto seems to get the hint.

Sousuke’s always heard that the person that most understands how one’s own body works is only oneself, but with Makoto, he couldn’t disagree more, not when he’s absolutely positive that Makoto knows everything there is to know about his body, probably even some aspects he isn’t aware of himself. Makoto knows how many fingers to use with him during preparation, and his timing on when to add each one is impeccable. Makoto turns what he instinctively assumes should be an awkward, perhaps uncomfortable process into something that delivers a plethora euphoric sensation that’s as close to the real thing as one can possibly get.

What little semblance of control he still has left over himself is quickly slipping away, and he knows that if Makoto keeps this up, he’s not going to last very long when Makoto finally enters him for real, if he even makes it that far that is. But again, Makoto knows everything about how Sousuke’s body works, and just as Sousuke feels like he’s nearing the edge, each and every ministration Makoto had been bestowing upon him came to an abrupt halt. Makoto removes his fingers and himself completely from Sousuke in such a way, that he doesn’t realize what’s going on until Makoto’s already kneeling over him, looking down at him tender, yet lustful eyes.

He suddenly feels empty, and he doesn’t like it. Sousuke doesn’t say anything, but he can tell Makoto’s very much aware of that. As if to make it up to him, he leans in and captures Sousuke’s lips in one of the sweetest kisses Sousuke’s ever received. The kiss itself is soft and gentle, and somehow, Makoto manages to keep kissing him while repositioning himself so that he’s now settled perfectly between Sousuke’s legs.

When the kiss breaks, Makoto leans back and once again, Sousuke gets the chance to look at Makoto’s beautiful face. He reaches out to gently caress Sousuke’s cheek; Sousuke can’t help but notice the genuinely gorgeous smile that Makoto’s wearing. He never knew that one smile could light up a person’s body so much that that person inevitably becomes a beacon that brightens an entire room, until now, that is.

Ever so carefully, Makoto takes both of Sousuke’s legs and bends them so that his thighs are almost touching his stomach.

“Are you ready?”

Sousuke tries to give Makoto a proper response, he really does, but when his mind and his mouth can’t seem to connect properly, he settles for nodding, and giving Makoto the most adoring expression he can possibly muster.

Makoto, being the perfect angel he is, accepts Sousuke’s meager response. He quickly coats his own dick with lube before positioning himself at Sousuke’s entrance, and pushing in with a determined, yet gentle force that only Makoto could ever be capable of. Sousuke’s been so thoroughly prepared that he hardly needs any time to adjust to Makoto’s size, and unsurprisingly, Makoto knows that without needing any sort of verbal indication.

It’s not the first time Makoto’s topped him, but Sousuke doesn’t think he’ll ever really get used to how wonderful Makoto feels inside of him. The fire that’s been slowly building from the beginning suddenly runs rampant and engulfs his entire being; each thrust from Makoto only seems to fuel that fire, making him even hotter and craving for everything and anything Makoto’s willing to give him.

“Makoto…” His voice is low and guttural; he wants to say more, he wants to genuinely ask for more, but the pleasure Makoto’s giving him is clouding his mind, and he can do nothing except repeat Makoto’s name over and over again.

To his pure delight, Makoto seems to know exactly what he’s saying, and doesn’t require any sort of coherent thought from Sousuke before complying with Sousuke’s wish. Makoto’s thrusts become faster, deeper, expertly hitting Sousuke’s prostate repeatedly with supreme accuracy.

It’s all too much. This time, he knows for a fact that he’s not going to last much longer. He looks up at Makoto, trying to get some sort of indication that Makoto might be feeling the same way, but Makoto looks like he’s in some sort of trance. His eyes are focused on Sousuke’s neck, and Sousuke immediately knows why. He doesn’t blame Makoto (not that he ever would for anything), but he knows it’s really all his fault. After all, Makoto always get a taste, even if it’s a small one. Even without a knife, Sousuke’s only too happy to oblige.

“Do it,” he whispers, knowing Makoto won’t need an explanation.

Makoto’s breathing is just as ragged as his is. “Are you--”

“Yes.” The answer is automatic, and resolute.

Makoto licks his lips, still eying Sousuke’s pale neck. Sousuke knows that Makoto doesn’t need to be told twice, but nevertheless, he bears his neck to him, prompting Makoto to move. That seems to be all the invitation Makoto needs.

Makoto’s teeth aren’t nearly as sharp as a blade, and require a lot more pressure to actually pierce the skin; Sousuke quickly becomes sorely aware of that, yet the anguish that accompanies the bite rapidly dissipates, and is quickly replaced with a rush of blissful pleasure, the likes of which Sousuke’s only tasted before, thanks to the knife.

Although Makoto is quick to consume every drop of blood that is spilt, Sousuke can still feel a trickle of blood slide down his neck. The combination of stimuli results in a euphoric sensation that is far too much for Sousuke’s being. He doesn’t even get the chance to warn Makoto before his orgasm hits him hard, causing him to come between his and Makoto’s stomachs. Simultaneously, he clenches down and becomes even tighter around Makoto’s dick. That must have been just enough for Makoto. Barely a second passes before Sousuke can feel Makoto coming inside of him; the feeling only adds to his orgasmic high.

Their eyes lock onto each other’s and as they both calm down, Sousuke watches in awe as the lust in Makoto’s eyes slowly fades away; once the wholly unique emerald color is restored to its full incandescent luster, a smile spreads across his face.

“God, that was perfect.”

Makoto returns his smile before dipping down to seal his lips to Sousuke’s for the umpteenth time that night.

“I’m sorry,” Sousuke says suddenly after breaking the kiss, almost surprising himself.

While Makoto looks a bit confused, the smile never leaves his face. “What for?”

“I know,” Sousuke begins, “I know I probably didn’t make you feel nearly as good as you did me, and I’m sorry for that.”

“Sousuke.” Makoto leans forward again and kisses Sousuke on the cheek, while simultaneously reaching up to undo the rope that keeps Sousuke bound to the bed.

Sousuke’s arms are firmly wrapped around Makoto’s waist the very second he’s freed; he hums softly when Makoto nuzzles his cheek.

“I’m certain that I felt every bit as good as you did,” he kisses Sousuke again, “but, even if that wasn’t the absolute truth, remember that I made it so you couldn’t move, and I took full advantage of it.”

He gives Sousuke a devious grin, and while Sousuke finds that a bit uncharacteristic, he finds himself laughing.

“You really are a perfect angel.” Despite the fact that he’s still chuckling, he manages to speak with total sincerity.

“That’s a lie, and you know it.” Makoto looks unamused.

“It’s not, and nothing you say or do is going to change my mind,” Sousuke replies, giving Makoto a nose kiss.

Makoto doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t reject his words either, so Sousuke counts that as a small victory.

A comfortable silence settles upon them as they quietly decided that they’ve basked in the afterglow of sex for long enough, and Makoto helps Sousuke to clean up a bit. As per usual, the aftercare doesn’t take long, and only a few moments pass before they’re back in bed, and curled up with each other, with Sousuke’s head resting comfortably against Makoto’s chest.

Neither one of says anything for a long while, and Sousuke’s just about to drift off before he hears Makoto’s tired, almost inaudible voice.

“You’re mine. You’re finally mine.”

A second later, Sousuke can feel that Makoto’s breathing has evened out, and that he is soundly asleep.

That musing that he had had earlier, about Makoto believing in him, comes to the front of his mind again, and he realizes that now, it’s finally happened.

“Always and forever, Makoto,” Sousuke replies softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Makoto’s chest before letting sleep take him as well.

“Always and forever.”  


End file.
